What Postpartum Often Looks Like for New Dads
When we hear the word postpartum, our minds naturally associate this time period with new mothers, their recovery, and the ups and downs they face following childbirth. What is less often discussed is how this early stage of parenthood unfolds for the non-birthing partner, specifically men. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), up to 10% of new fathers experience postpartum depression, with the rate increasing to 26% during the 3 to 6-month period postpartum. While this statistic shows that 1/10 men will struggle with significant postpartum mood fluctuations as they adjust to the overwhelming realities of fatherhood, few will ever take steps to seek support, and this is a problem we are trying to correct. For men the transition into the postpartum period comes with its own set of unique emotional, mental, and social challenges, and it’s essential to shine a light on how this often presents differently than those symptoms we see in new mothers.
Dads are often tasked with supporting their partner while also adjusting to their own new identity as a father. In this transition new dads can experience a confusing range of emotions that can lead men to retreat or isolate to avoid what they perceive as overburdening their partners by sharing their feelings. I like to think that society is shifting towards a place where men feel more comfortable asking for help, and sitting in the discomfort of vulnerability, but we’re still socialized to associate postpartum depression as something that only women face, and it's just not the case.
The sense of responsibility of new fatherhood is not always a welcomed experience and can lead to feelings of deep overwhelm, accompanied by a range of uncomfortable questions. Am I doing this right? Will I be a good dad? Can I provide for my family? I miss my partner but how I can tell her? Guilt, fear, sadness, irritability, anxiety, and physical exhaustion are all common postpartum symptoms for men, and the key to navigating these emotions is acknowledging them, and asking for help.
One of the most significant transitions for new fathers is the shift in identity. Suddenly, you’re no longer just a husband, partner, or individual—you’re a dad. This can be thrilling, but it can also feel confusing and overwhelming. Many dads find themselves questioning their role, wondering how they can live up to the expectations they’ve placed on themselves or that society has placed on them. Not to mention new fathers often juggle multiple roles.
- Provider: There’s pressure to financially support the growing family, especially if paternity leave is short or unpaid.
- Supporter: Helping a partner who may be healing physically and emotionally from childbirth.
- Hands-On Dad: Balancing diaper changes, feedings, and baby care.
Current research shows that involved fatherhood can have positive long-term effects on children, such as better cognitive development and fewer behavioral problems. This shift into a more hands-on role may require some adjustment, and discussing how to balance these expectations is critical, particularly as the benefits for both dad and baby are significant.
The reality is that fathers who experience postpartum depression often feel disconnected from their partner and child, anxious about their new role, or even resentful about the loss of their pre-baby life. Settling into the role of being a father is an astronomical identity shift, one that until you are living it, is almost impossible to fully understand or prepare for. And if left untreated, paternal postpartum depression can have far-reaching consequences for the entire family. Fathers may withdraw emotionally, and their relationship with their partner can greatly suffer.
Common Symptoms of Paternal Postpartum Depression:
- Feelings of irritability or anger
- Withdrawal from family and friends
- Lack of interest in the baby or partner
- Anxiety about fatherhood
- Difficulty concentrating
- Distancing from partner and other family members
- Changes in sleep patterns (beyond normal newborn sleep deprivation)
If you notice these symptoms, it’s essential to seek professional help. Therapy, whether individual or couples therapy, can provide valuable tools for managing emotions and navigating this transitional period.
The postpartum period can be exhausting for both parents, but teamwork is essential for navigating it successfully. New dads play a crucial role in supporting their partners, especially if their partner is recovering from childbirth or dealing with postpartum depression themselves. It is important to highlight that postpartum depression also often comes in pairs. Within a couple if one member is suffering from postpartum symptoms, their partner is 50% more likely to also develop similar distressing symptoms. By being present, patient, and communicative, dads can ensure that they’re offering the support that their partner needs. This openness will make room for both individuals to share more honestly about how they may be feeling, in turn reducing feelings of shame or guilt that only serve to fuel maladaptive behaviors.
Practical Ways to Support Your Partner:
- Share the Load: Diaper changes, feedings, and household chores should be shared responsibilities. Taking on these tasks helps alleviate the pressure on your partner and allows them to rest and recover.
- Offer Emotional Support: Men are often the solution focused do-ers when it comes to a potential program, but often the best way to support your partner is simply to listen and validate their struggles and remind them of the amazing job they are doing.
- Encourage Self-Care: Both you and your partner need time to recharge. Encourage each other to take breaks, whether it’s a walk, a nap, or simply a few minutes of quiet time.
- Seek Outside Help: If you or your partner are feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to seek help—whether it’s from a family member, friend, or professional. Being a team during the postpartum period helps create a balanced home environment and sets a strong foundation for shared parenting responsibilities in the future.
The postpartum period can also place significant straight on relationships that men can experience as feeling left out, lonely, and excluded as new moms shift their attention and affection to the new baby. Sleep deprivation, new responsibilities, and emotional changes can put strain on even the healthiest partnerships. It’s normal for intimacy to come to a screeching halt as both partners adjust to their new roles as parents, and it’s also okay to talk about how hard this can be. To avoid unnecessary conflict, it’s crucial to communicate openly with your partner. It’s important to have regular check-ins, ask how you can support them better, and discuss how you’re feeling. Being open and honest can go a long way in keeping your relationship strong during this challenging time. Acknowledging missing that intimate connection is a normal part of early parenthood, and something that will be important to reintroduce in the future.
Therapy can be a lifeline for new dads.
The postpartum period is a transformative time that comes with a unique set of challenges for fathers. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed, uncertain, scared and resentful. What’s most important is recognizing that you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Therapy can provide you with the tools and emotional support you need to adjust to fatherhood, strengthen your relationship with your partner, and bond with your baby. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness—it’s a step forward shifting towards a place of relief and happiness.
If you’re feeling unsure or overwhelmed during this time, consider reaching out to a therapist in San Francisco, or wherever you are, to help guide you through this period of change. Remember, you are not alone—support is available, and asking for help is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your family.